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I am going away for a while.
I'll be back don't try and follow me,
I'll return as soon as possible;
See I'm tryin' to find my place,
It might not be here where I feel safe
We all learn to make mistakes,

And run from them.

❖ for always, forever, or maybe not. @ Wednesday, July 20, 2011

i miss it.
there, i admitted it.

but look, there's no point. no effing point. i don't care. i don't really like the people anymore, they probably never even liked me. i'm stupid for thinking we were even friends. i always ask myself, 'whatever the actual fuck happened', and sometimes, when i'm alone, i just want to scream but it feels as though my lungs are punctured, and there's a sword down my throat; tell me, i'll fix it! just stop being mad at me! actually tell me what happened!
honestly, i don't even know why i care. maybe i only miss it so much because nothing can fill the lacuna in the manuscript of my life, and i'm clinging onto the past and ohmygod really, i shouldn't have opened up the diaries i kept when it had it all. but was all a dream, all a stupid dream, you stupid little girl, your stupid little past is just a patchwork of stupid little memories.

well, the sentence i just typed; i don't care? what a lie.
of course i still care. i just like to think i don't. i like to think that i truly got bored, and that the fire in my heart never left. but it did. it freaking did.

ugh.



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